tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize