my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
