i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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