I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
