he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
