YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
