wakey wakey hands off snakey
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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