You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Holy sore nipples Batman
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
