Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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