Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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