I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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