So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
