I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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