I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
