Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize