so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize