a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
either way he was missing a nipple.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
