I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
