I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
