Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
