so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
