dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
