Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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