I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
