I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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