I just made out with a guy for $7.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
