Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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