So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
