lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
