If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
