She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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