Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
high people should be assigned attendants
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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