i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
