I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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