actually, I'm a sock model
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
