So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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