The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They took my balls.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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