k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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