ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i out mim tonsoeep
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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