obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
