Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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