The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
