a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
