did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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