I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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