How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
