i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
