Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
