my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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