Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
