I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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