I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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