i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
