Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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