I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
