Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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