Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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