Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
