I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
