Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
