so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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