My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
