As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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