OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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