We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
